In light of all the comments smack we’ve had lately, I’m presenting my official Guide for Pimping Home Runs.  As you’re reading, the latter situations trump the beginning ones.   So while it may say, a Reg. Season homer in the 3rd inning cannot be celebrated, if the pitcher tried to bean you one pitch earlier than the reg. season rules no longer apply.  Follow me?  Good.  Also remember, this is a guide if you must pimp it.  If you choose to show class and just run them all out, good for you.    The situations are ranked lowest to highest on how intense your pimping can be.  Spur of the moment excitement is preferred, but if you’re going to pimp you gotta follow the rules.  Let’s review:

Situation = Appropriate Celebration

1. Batting Practice home run = Unless it wins you a bet, don’t even double take it.  If it wins a bet, use own disgression.  Verbal taunting is most effective.
2. Spring Training home run = Head down, quick jog it out.
3. Non-power guy home run = Run it out if you’ve never hit more than 10 HRs in a season.  Jog it out if you’ve never hit more than 20.
4. Regular Season iffy home run = Haul ass.  I don’t care if it is a majestic fly ball and “you knew it was gonna go”.  When it lands in the front row you don’t get to celebrate it.  And if you did pimp it and it hits the fence or is robbed, you’re an idiot.  Yes, that’s you Manny and Carlos Lee.
5. Regular Season normal home run = Very slight pause, get moving, normal jogging pace.
6. Power guy home run = Put on your badass, “I do this all the time, no big deal” face.  Slow jog.  This is for your Ryan Howards/Adam Dunns/Albert Pujols of home run hitting.
7. Second home run of game = Today is a good day, jog it out and put on a big smile when you round third.
8. Bad Blood (teams) home run = If there is a disliking and it is a big moment in the game, increase your pause at home plate to a full second before jogging.  Stomp on home plate as you cross it, if you like.
9. Third home run of game = You hit the lotto today.  Jog it out or pray the baseball gods have mercy on your soul for being ungrateful of their gracious gift.  You can walk the first couple steps if it is a no-doubter.  All pimping of these home runs is done after the game.
10. Bad Blood (Batter vs. Pitcher) =  If there’s a beanball history or individual problems this at-bat has more meaning.  Make it a full second pause, walk a maximum of three steps, get moving.  Look back at pitcher as you cross the plate.  Verbal abuse optional, but frowned upon.  You got the best of him, no need to be childish about it.  An acceptable example: Piazza/Clemens.
11. Massive/crushed/tape-measure homer = Stare it down, maybe walk a few steps up the baseline.  Walk no farther than 1/3 of the line.  Jog out the rest.  Walk the last two-three steps toward home plate.  This is the only badass home run celebration acceptable.
12. Hall of Fame quality hitter home run = Perform your Godfathered celebration, if you have one (see below).
13. End of game (9th or later) tying home run =  BIG fist pump when it clears the fence as your getting to first base.  Screams of joy are acceptable.
14. Game winning home run = Raised arm.  Allowable from point of contact until 1/3 of the way past first base.  No farther.  Then after rounding third the following are acceptable: helmet toss, head-first slide, hop-skip-jump into pile, throw the raised arm back up, intense smiling.  Screams of joy are expected.
15. Historic/Legendary home run =  Be creative.  This is rare territory.  You could do the Bobby Thompson straight run it out.  The Kirk Gibson double fist-pump.  The Fisk wave.  The Kirby Puckett excitement.  The Joe Carter pandemonium.  You name it.  There is very little off limits, so long as it is a genuine reaction.  If you try to look like a badass, you’ll ruin it for all of us.  Remember this moment will be replayed for years.  Don’t screw it up. 

Exceptions/Misc.:

The Godfather rule (shout out to BleedingBlueandOrange):  Yes, home run celebrations fall under the scope of the Grandfather rule.  Just like Dikembe Mutombo can still wave his big fingers after a block.  However, in this case, we’ll call it the Godfather rule because these guys are the Godfathers of the pimp.  They may not be the first, but they’re pioneers.  Some guys are just allowed to do things that others aren’t.  But it is rare company.  You get the picture.  You really have to earn the Godfather status.  Feel free to submit your own Godfathered guys and I’ll add them.  Here are some examples:

• Ken Griffey Jr.:  The watch and walk is a Griffey staple, he’s earned it.
• Sammy Sosa: The Sosa hops are annoying but they’re his.  It is as if he stuffed them down our throats so much that we had no choice but to Godfather him in.
• Jose Reyes:  HAHA get the hell out of here.
• Manny Ramirez:  Now this is a unique Godfathering.  Manny is out of his mind and he has been cleared to do anything he can think of.  The only people allowed to bash Manny about a pimping are the opposing team he did it against and baseball fans over 60 years of age.  Everyone else deal with it.
• Barry Bonds:  Whether or not he’s a juicer doesn’t matter.   Whether or not he’s a dick doesn’t matter.  He’s consistent in his version of the ‘watch and walk’ and two-handed sky point at the plate and gets the Godfather.
• UPDATE: Mike Piazza: The Piazza point and drop (I remembered it as a flip, but how can I argue with Mets fans) is absolutely Godfather worthy.  He is now retired, but here is home run pimp is forever enshrined.

Pointing to the sky as you cross home plate is always acceptable if it is done for a lost loved one or your religion.  However, you can only do it while crossing home plate and with one hand.  Do NOT stop on the plate and stand there.  Unless you’re Barry Bonds, as I just said he was Godfathered.

These rules also apply to Video Game home runs.  Except you must perform them in a room, not around bases.  The hierarchy goes:

1. Smile.
2. Fist Pump.
3. Laugh (if in a blow-out).
4. YES!
5. Raised Fist.
6. WOO!
7. Constant Smack Talk.
8. Dancing in place.
9. Celebrate around the room.
10. Get in the other guys face. 

(Beware the farther along the list you go, the more likely a fight will break out.)

Between Victorino/Reyes/Howard there is plenty of pimping/celebrating going on inside this rivalry let alone the entire sport, so this one is baseball-specific not just Mets/Phillies-specific.  Now I like anyone reading this site, have been watching baseball all my life.  However, what I believe gives me a good perspective is that I have played all my life and I currently do in college.  Now this guide doesn’t apply to college baseball, but the pure college game allows for some common sense to be used than the absurdities of the big-money-me-first Majors.

Comments (0)

Name

Email

Website

Title

Comment

smaller | bigger

Subscribe via email (registered users only)

Add Comment